It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize