I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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