they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
