someone get that fucking seahorse.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
