My room smells like vodka and shame
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
