I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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