Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
