I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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