If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
