My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
