dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
