I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
