i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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