So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize