after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The uberlube is also flammable
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
