i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
