its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
