Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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