Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
