Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My bed smells like the plague
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
