dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
