we have officially lost it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
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I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
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if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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