Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
