U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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