I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
false alarm, still single
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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