It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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