The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
