I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
