It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
