how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
