just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
