Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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