Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
