After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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