Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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