So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
