your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
