don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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