Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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