1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
