I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is my gift to your gina
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
