I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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