I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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