Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
