things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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