I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
