i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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