Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
