Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
