my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
