He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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