Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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