We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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