we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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