My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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