My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
