I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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