you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
